Credit To Selig…
… at long last, he deserves some. I’ve been highly [no pun] critical of the man in the past. However, Bud Selig on behalf of MLB has taken a stand, for the first time, by suspending Manny Ramirez for his transgressions. Congrats!!
Let’s join Bud and the good [but not great] Sister Mary Zig in a moment of prayer for the future of our game…also, that the commish’s [unprecedented] clear decision making streak continues beyond one in a row.
Sister Mary Zig Promises Giants Return To New York
WZIG in Alameda reports that, if elected Pope, the good [but not great] Sister Mary Zig promises to buy Major League Baseball and return it to it’s post-war glory days. The original 16 teams will return to their proper homes. The Braves to Boston, Giants to New York, A’s to Philly and the Dodgers to Brooklyn. The O’s would stay in Baltimore, but Mike Veeck , the son of former St. Louis Browns owner Hall O’ Famer Bill Veeck, will be given ownership. The remaining franchises will be disbanded and their players drafted.
Sister Mary Zig, whose girlhood hero was Sister Mary Schnoorer who was known as “The Sultan Of Beg,” pledges to return elderly, retired nuns to the entrances of ballparks, kettles blazing.
She sure has my vote!
Religious Traffic Sign
If Alameda’s Sister Mary Zig is elected Pope, she promises to have this sign put on every road in Vatican City.
The good Sister, pictured below, is en el fuego!
Sister Mary Zig’s Holiday Greeting
Have A Merry, Happy Everyday… In Every Way. 
Sister Mary Zig For Pope, Redux.
The word from WZIG in Alameda is that Sister Mary Zig has thrown her habit in the next election.
She’s starting early this time.
When the ol’ JP bought the farm a few years ago, the good sister [a freelance nun] was never really taken seriously by the powers that be. The Vatican claimed it was because Em Zee [as her intimate friends call her] was never actually affiliated with the Catholic Choich. Em Zee claimed, “I applied to the nunnery and was turned down because I wasn’t butch enough. Besides, they don’t like Jews.”
That said, good common sense tells us that an old, irreverent, hippie comedian with little or no qualifications for the job [or any job, especially ones that require actual work] , would make a better Pope than a former member of the Hitler Youth.
So, if elected here’s what the ol’ gal promises:
< Em Zee will make a concerted effort not to talk or write in the third person.
< The greatest Cardinal of all time, Stan Musial, will be Vice Pope.
< Settle with the real victims of Priest’s indiscretions. Imagine going through life thinking that some thing’s wrong with you because Father McGillicutty didn’t choose you as his “special fellow?” These poor puds are victims, as well.
< A mitre for all my friends.
< Fire all the Cardinals, and those who report to them.
< Liquidate [sell the list of parishioners to the Episcopalians] , and use the money to feed the hungry, for stem cell research, and to provide free condoms for all.
So, vote early, vote often.
Homer Bailey: Future Of The Reds And The Otters
When one thinks of the Cincinnati Reds franchise, other than the Johnny Vandemere histrionics [two no hitters in a row], great hitting – not great pitching – comes to mind.
When one thinks of the Sea Otters [Amerika's team], my entry in the 2007 Yahoo Fantasy League, neither great pitching nor great hitting comes to mind.
I’m trying to change that. I recently picked Barry Zito off the scrapheap and traded for Dontrelle Willis, my fellow Alamedian, and David Ortiz. I replaced the traded David Wright [a beloved Met] and Brian Roberts, with Howie Kendrick [so far a shmendrick] and Ryan Braun [a rising star with the Brewers]. These are some big shoes to fill. Hunter Pence has been a Gawdsend. The underachieving Vernon Wells went in a trade for Jeff Francoeur. I missed out by not drafting Tim Lincecum a while back, but I jumped on Homer Bailey [as it were] when the Reds announced his promotion earlier in the week. He’s their number one prospect.
Reds and Otter management both pray the following: Hail Sister Mary Zig, full o’ grace, help Homer get our ass in first place. Amen.
That Little Ol’ Studs Terkel, Me
Some time ago, way back in my formative years, I read Mr. Terkel’s classic, “Working.” With essays covering virtually every avocation, it gave me an insight into the lives of “Johnny and Jane Lunchbucket.” That was fine, but what about the non-traditional jobs and the people who do them?
I invite you to tell me about the most non-traditional, interesting job you’ve ever done [for at least a week].
I’ll go first:
I do some freelance nunnin’ every now and again… First gig? It was 1986 and the Mets were in the playoffs against the Sox o’ Red when I first felt the “callink.” In full habit, I prayed like a mutha for that ball to go through Buckner’s legs. And so, my children, it did… and a career was born. Her name is Sister Mary Zig Tykociski, and she is aware of how annoying people are who talk or write in the third person, but she can’t stop herself. Pray for her.
Your turn.
