The New Jewish Dictionary for 2009

March 19, 2009 at 7:32 pm (News & Politics)

The New Jewish Dictionary for 2009.
Jewbilation (n.) Pride in finding out that one’s favorite celebrity is
Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish person.

Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one’s lines when called to read
from the Torah at one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah. (OR from the Hagadah at
Passover)

Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to
butter it.

Bubbegum (n.) Candy one’s mother gives to her grandchildren that she
never gave to her own children.

Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can
change the baby’s diaper.

Deja Nu ( n.) Having the feeling you’ve seen the same exasperated
look on your mother’s face, but not knowing exactly when.

Disoriyenta (n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and
strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

Hebort (v.) To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately
after one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Jewdo (n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one’s
way out of a tight spot.

Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzo balls that are as good as your mother used to
make..

Meinstein – slang. “My son, the genius!”

Mishpochadots (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on
one’s face and collar after kissing all one’s aunts and cousins at a
reception.

Re-shtetlement (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your
old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.

Rosh Hashana-na-na ( n.) A rock ‘n roll band from Jewish Brooklyn .

Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities,
even though their names might be St. John , Curtis, Davis or Taylor.

Minyastics (n.) Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a
tenth person to complete a Minyan.

Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food, especially
falafel.

Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, med. school or business
school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents and Uncle Sid.
In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv’s
son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for
diskvellification.

Impasta (n.) A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of
Passover.

Kinders Shlep (v.) To transport other kids besides yours in your car.

Schmuckluck (n.) Finding out one’s wife became pregnant after one had a
vasectomy.

Shofarsogut (n.) The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the
shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

Trayffic Accident (n.) An appetizer one finds out has pork in it.

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